The New York Times is reporting that Kate Gosselin will serve her eight children with divorce papers:
“Maddie and Cara were the first to suspect that their Mom had totally fallen for the Dancing with the Stars cast. Of course they were devastated, but they still wanted to work things out, because you know, they’d been with their Mom for like, their whole lives,” said a source, who wished to remain anonymous. “Even when Kate came home late one night and then called Joel, ‘Niecy,’ totally confusing her with ‘Dancing’ cast mate Niecy Nash. That’s when the kids knew it was over.”
Meanwhile, Vienna Girardi, The Bachelor winner–whose new fiancé, Jake Pavelka, is a cast member on Dancing With the Stars–has been wondering why Jake’s coming home smelling like Purell and baby wipes. “Kate is totally screwing our relationship up,” said Girardi. “I had sex with Jake on the show, for God’s sake. Now I have to sleep in a twin bed across the hall from his new mom? Just because she’s leaving her kids doesn’t mean she can come barging into my relationship. She’s not the boss of me.”
But Chad Ochocinco, also a cast member on Dancing, seems to like the new setup. “Look, I don’t have to do much already in the off season,” said the Bengals wide-receiver. “Kate cuts up my dinner for me and makes airplane sounds as she brings the spoon to my mouth! We had some issues in the beginning when I had to make it clear I do not like peas, but now we’re getting on just fine. It’s like she’s been my Mom forever, you know what I’m sayin’?”
*As of this afternoon, no court date has been set for the mother-children divorce.
*Jon Gosselin could not be reached for comment, as he was busy buying beer for underage girls.
